Is it not for me to define what type of ministry a church decides is missions-support worthy.  After all, anybody may hire anyone at any time to do just about anything and call it want you want.  However, for missionaries who say they are going to spread the gospel overseas with your money, here are some topics almost never discussed with either the missionary or the missionary’s  former employers.

• EXCUSES

There are a lot of jobs that excuse-makers can fill.  For example…telemarketer…uhhh…yeah, and a bunch of others.  The last person you want to be sending your money to is a problem-finder and not a problem-solver.  “Oh, you couldn’t make a copy because the printer was out of paper.  Go buy some paper, dingbat!”

• LITERACY

You can snicker at this one if you want.  Missionaries who actually speak several languages are becoming fewer and farther between, but unless all of your missionaries are to Canada and Australia or Wyoming or are printing tracts in podunk holler down the street or are in the prison “mission field” or run a camp – they will have to learn another language.  Hint.  If they have trouble with English, they may have trouble with Estonian.  I have met very few…VERY few missionaries who could not speak English somewhat correctly who lasted more than 5 years on the field.

• SICK DAYS

Hey, I know some folks have weaker immune systems.  Some are just plain weaklings.  Someone had to say it.  Not all, but some.  If Joe “missionary” is taking a sick day every other week at his stateside job, do you think he is going to become healthier on the field with no one looking over his shoulder?  Ha!  Hey, Pastor, I know you are not reading this, but if you had been – I would have said – check your Mr. Spiritual Missionary’s sick day record at his secular job!

• SELF-MOTIVATED

Ever heard the line, “People don’t do what you expect; they do what you inspect.”  Missionaries are exempt.  Ha!  Inspect doesn’t mean questionnaire either.  They are a general annoyance, even insulting.  If someone is not self-motivated on the field, the questionnaire questions can be skirted.  Visit the missionary.  Send someone else to visit him.  Or…talk to his former employers.

• WIFE

Number 1 reason missionaries leave the field.  I’m not saying it’s easy.  But if she (or he, for that matter) hasn’t cut the ties with mommy, forget it.  Thank you, God, for a wife who loves her mother and father dearly but cut the ties with them the day we got married!  The man generally can endure the general stupidities of society better than a woman so if she is struggling in the States, forget the mission field.  Complainer or discontent or iron fist – if that describes the wife, forget it.

• LEARNER

If the prospective missionary is not a learner or cannot adapt, there are many jobs in Christendom in America which could use someone who is adept but is not necessarily going to crawl out of the box or change for any reason.

• FAITHFUL

I heard a preacher one time say that if there was an inappropriate billboard, then take a different way to work.  Please, sir, don’t attempt the mission field.  Most of America is a Sunday School picnic (outside of the worst parts of the inner city) in comparison to the rest of the world.  Premarital sex is not a moral wrong in many societies.  Extramarital sex is not a moral wrong.  If you don’t believe me it’s because you haven’t been outside of the US.  Illicit sex is on the same plane morally as getting braces in most places of the world.  If Mr. Missionary has already had an affair in the family-friendly USA where illicit relations are taboo, DO NOT send him to the mission field where extramarital relations are expected and accepted and easily accessible.

More next week.  If you missed the Tentmaker post, read it here.