There is something instinctual in man when it comes to time segments.  We live by them.  This day will end in a few hours.  Tomorrow begins a new day.  The same thing goes for a week and a month and a year.

We would often observe the Lord’s Supper once a month in the churches in which I grew up.  Having it once a month fed both anticipation and remembrance.  It never became a chore; it was never forgotten.

For years, Katie and I have taken a couple of hours each month to spend one on one with each child.  I am not giving advice, just information.

We go to the park.  We go out for ice cream.  We go for a coffee (or tea – hey, we live in Europe).  We go to the sea.  We go shoot guns (air rifles – hey, we live in Europe; real guns aren’t allowed).  We go to be alone.

As a family unit, we are like living machinery.  Every one adapts and conforms to his or her place.  Everyone has duties and responsibilities.   As a unit, functioning well is gratifying for all of us.  There is constant maintenance and tweaking.  Our place in the unit is always morphing.

While our family unit will always be technically intact (brothers, sisters, parents), we are not JUST a family unit.  Katie and I are one and then each child is an individual.

The better the unit is running, the harder this is to remember, or, maybe better stated – the easier it is to forget.  That we are individuals also – not just a family unit.

Katie has done such a superb job in engineering the unit, that our children can literally go days without maintenance.  They can cook, clean, keep the fire going, dress the little ones, change diapers, etc.  It is restful and gratifying to be part of the family unit.  No nagging.  We love our chill pills.  Take one once in a while.

In order to force ourselves to remember that we are not just existing as a family unit, but as individuals we take each child out by himself once a month.

I try to read their individual spirit.  In the family unit, they may be functioning well, but as an individual cog, they may be suffering or wondering or feeling something that is only noticeable upon a closer inspection.

Children are not – fundamentally – a trophy, unpaid slave labor, or just around for kicks.  No number should give gratification.  That is as selfish of a thing as I can think of.  We want eleven kids.  We are not shooting for twelve.  If we have a twelfth, we will probably keep it, but whether it is four or fourteen, to shoot for a number of children belies the fact that one may not know why he is having children.  We are stewards of them.  They are the Lord’s and they are individuals.  While I think families should work together as a unit to bring glory to God’s name, that is only a part of success.

So, we take time.  To look into their eyes.  To look into their souls.  Yes, you may ask them daily what they need or if something is wrong, but they may not be ready to tell you.  Sometimes it takes an hour or two for a child to begin to open up.  It hurts me to think of children who have no one with whom to share their deepest concerns and problems.  They go through the motions of Christianity, but, many times, nobody ever connects with them.

Katie and I have a lot of issues.  We do not live up to our own expectations in many areas much less somebody else’s.  But once a month we take time to spend a couple of hours one on one with each child outside of the family unit.

I am not giving advice, just simple information.