I first read Tolkien’s The Hobbit when I was twelve years old.  My dad had the green collector’s edition in the green slip case.  It tells an unbelievable tale of a little person choosing against his better judgment to go on a journey of epic proportions.  He joins a rag-tag group of dwarves and they together embark on a remarkable journey.  Of course, it is a fairy tale, but even so, what they actually face and survive is simply impossible.  Again and again, Tolkien goes to lengths to help the dwarves and the hobbit escape and accomplish amazing travel feats of impossible proportion.  It is called literary license maybe.  Tolkien’s secondary title for the book is called There and Back Again.

While we did not face starvation nor narrowly escape packs of blood-thirsty spiders, we just finished our own epic journey called There and Back Again.

I have already made the decision to write a book detailing our 35-week journey to and from America.  This article is a simple and short teaser.

What State Are You In?

Frantic, euphoric, comatose, elated – there are so many emotional and psychological states we find ourselves in as human beings.  It feels like we ran the gamut of human emotions…every three days.  Here are some of the States we found ourselves in and a word or two about each (# days in state, # churches visited):

Alabama (4,2) – loves their football

Alaska (10,1) – the aurora borealis was mirabile visu, as they say in Latin

Arizona (2,0)- Canyon great; Troopers tough

Arkansas (1,0) – we drove through the rough part…predictably

California (13,5) – a country within a country  (tip:  don’t bother visiting the Goodwill in Hollywood.)

Colorado (10,3) – the Rockies are not for the faint of heart or for deciduous-tree lovers

Connecticut (7,3) – one of our favorite States in every category…except for driving in the snow.  They would give South Carolineans a run for their snow-driving skill money

Delaware (2,0) – now you see it, now you don’t

Florida (10,5) – well, we liked you on November 8th

Georgia (9,1)- platitudinal; well, not Atlanta…that was starkly, unmistakably, undeniably a driving nightmare

Idaho (3,0) – everything is bigger in Idaho

Illinois (10,4) – Cubs win!  Yes, I parked the mothership a couple of blocks from Wrigley Field

Indiana (18,3) – if the USA were a human body, Indiana would be the elbow up to the armpit…the biceps of the moral, social and fiscal country; the armpit topographically, Lake County, namely

Kansas (3,1) – Dorothy put (and keeps) her on the map

Kentucky (4,1) – hick meets redneck; except for Owensboro, the extension of the Indiana bicep

Louisiana (7,2) – on the edge; nice people, only southern state to live up to “southern hospitality” fame

Maine (5,1)- topographically a 10; socially a 2.  We could live there.  Enjoy God’s creation; don’t interact.

Maryland (3,1) – a northern state south of the mason-dixon line

Massachusetts (1,0) – New York City as a state.  What people outside of New York think of when someone says they are from New York

Michigan (6,3) – blue collar and scandinavian; please work on driving skills

Mississippi (6,0) – poor man’s Louisiana/Alabama

Missouri (5,1) – not much going on there besides armadillo roadkill

Nevada (7,2) – rugged; best kept secret; did I mention rugged?

New Hampshire (3,1) – rednecks of New England; beautiful state

New Jersey (32,2) – short man disease (Philly and NYC border); chip on shoulder; good food

New Mexico (3,1) – nondescript

New York (61,19) – opposite of New Mexico; Niagara Falls, Adirondacks, Alleghenys, Big Apple, Fingerlakes, Lake Placid to name a few

North Carolina (10,3) – segregated; nice folk; a poor Tennessee; good drivers

Ohio (17,5) – our #1 state; truly friendly, sincere people; no chip; what you think of when you think of the “average American”; hard-working, down-home, grass-roots, blue-collar

Oklahoma (4,1) – red, red state; most “Christian” state; churched by choice as opposed to South’s churched by tradition

Oregon (1,0) – weirdos won’t let you pump your own gas; in and out; let’em go

Pennsylvania (26,8) – worst turnpike; people are tops, much like Ohio; prettier than Ohio

South Carolina (1,0) – irrelevant

Texas (5,1) – why do people live there again?

Utah (1,0)- white; creepily majestic

Vermont (5,1) – beautiful; choir boy of New England politically

Virginia (1,0) – baptist church on every corner

Washington (7,2) – international; eclectic

West Virginia (15,5) – the opposite; short state complex

Wyoming (2,1) – Colorado without the yuppies

Quebec (4,1) – better than the French

Ontario (1,0) – worse than Quebecians

We visited all of the Great Lakes:  Superior, Huron, Michigan, Erie and Ontario.  We also stopped by Lake Champlain and Lake Tahoe.  We stood in both the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans and the Gulf of Mexico.  We crossed the Ohio, the Columbia, the Snake, the Missouri, the Wabash, the Colorado, the Susquehanna, and the Mississippi rivers.

We drove through the Adirondacks, Alleghenys, Appalachians, Cascade, Rockies, Ozarks, and the beautiful Sierra Nevadas.  We saw the Alaska Range from a distance.  We drove in or around 22 state capitals.  We passed through 30 of the country’s 50 largest cities.

From beginning to end, we were also able to cram in 19 different flights to 7 different places including Mexico covering around 20,000 miles.  We spent time in 5 countries – Turkey, Bulgaria, USA, Canada, and Mexico.  We also enjoyed 12 hours of layover in London.

Over the course of driving the approximately 600 hours and 35,500 miles in 35 weeks, we interspersed 94 meetings at churches.  I got to preach 144 times.  Katie also spoke several times.  We sang as a family publicly over 100 times.  I would guess the average Sunday morning attendance of the services we attended was a little over 150; Sunday night maybe 80 along with the midweek service.  We were only in two or three churches that did not support us.  However, we visited 20 churches for the first time ever that do support us.  Several churches that we visited we had not been back to since we were on original deputation 15 years ago.

Some of the highlight stories of the trip are The Trip to the US, The Lost Key, Limo in a Holler, Diamond in Vermont, The Cello, The Second Cello, Missouri Road Trip, Jaunt to Mexico, Buffalo Whiteout, Surprisingly Buffalo, Too Short in Gettysburg, Northwest Passage – these are the ones off the top of my head.

We are getting back to real life over here in the shire.  The traveling specters and spiders are in the past.  We are left with priceless memories.  Maybe in another fifteen years…maybe.